If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
