I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need a beard to bite.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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