1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
