I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
