so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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