It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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