Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
