Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
