Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
