the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
