K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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