I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize