He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
