So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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