I skipped work to stalk him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
