Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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