I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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