and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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