clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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