He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
