I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
