True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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