I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dicks are not precious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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