My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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