With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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