I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
