I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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