she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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