ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize