my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
