This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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