y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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