I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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