wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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