Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
