i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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