I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
