I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
