Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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