What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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