and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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