just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
