im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What drink are we having for lunch?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
