and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
