Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
