How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
