Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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