I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
