Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
