I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she smelled like a LAN party
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
