Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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