If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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