when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
