The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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