well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
