yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
