here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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