If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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