Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
