Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
