She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
