My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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