R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet he comes in French.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize