it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
