The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's never too late to be topless.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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