So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
