The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
