I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize