Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My ass is underappreciated
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
