U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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