Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
