I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
