i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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