He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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