he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
