i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The struggles of a small town man whore
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
