Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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