I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
