I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
