Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
