I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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