I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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