First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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