is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
