pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
