I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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