so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
