Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
