drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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