sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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