How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
