Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize